I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
