omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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