Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
