$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
