I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
