I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
