Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
