You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
