You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
