i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
