Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
