During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
