I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize