You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize