I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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