dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
