ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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