The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
