i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
