so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
