i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize