My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
