i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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