Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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