Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
