he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
