woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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