There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
