i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize