I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My nipple is on Facebook.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
