remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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