It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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