I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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