I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
