He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
