you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
