She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
