What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
