Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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