I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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