No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I could fuck to npr.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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