Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
