Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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