please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
