My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
