worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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