they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
do herpes really smell.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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