in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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