I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
