just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
