i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Four minutes until I can fart!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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