My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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