Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
