He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
