I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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