Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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