I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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