are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's never too late to be topless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
