Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
