You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
