Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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