speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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