you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
