So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
