shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't notice because vodka
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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