You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
